if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
