And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize