omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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