who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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