So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
