Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
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You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
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You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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