Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Can Purell be used as lube?
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
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