He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
