whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
