You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
