apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
