After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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