you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
