Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
