we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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