the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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