Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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