Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
