phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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