Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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