I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
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She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
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Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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