wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
