I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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