No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
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