I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize