I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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