What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
