Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
