i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
