shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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