i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
