Dual....:-)
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
