You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
