U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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