It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
