her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
