I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
