they need to just BURY HIM!
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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