if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
