Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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