I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
