It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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