420 ftw
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
