I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
