Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
