two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
