From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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