why didn't you poke me back
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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