when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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