I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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