I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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