is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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