just tell him i said nine months
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
