He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
