is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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