just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
