Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
