He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
