My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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