don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
