dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
