...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
